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Everything Wrong With Civil War II #5

Hey guys! Today is the day we might die because of what we’re about to witness in today’s ComicSins! If you missed the previous issue click at Everything Wrong With Civil War II #4. Let’s spare your time and begin. One more thing…

SPOILERS

:sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses:

Hey guys look it’s another page-filler and not even the best looking one to begin with. (:x:1)

Look, I’ve talked about this to death last issue, but most of these people haven’t had an indication as to what side they’re on! I will be generous and give only 5 sins. (:x:6)

They really need some colored jerseys up in here. (:x:7)

“You made this happen, Carol.” No she didn’t. You were the one to bring these people here when you didn’t need to. Instead you should’ve went to the media like you wanted to, but didn’t because this fight had to happen. (:x:8)

Is that Jean Grey allowing herself to get hit by Vision’s ray? Just like that, huh? Bullshit. (:x:9)

Also, “Superheroes fight to settle their differences” cliché. (:x:10)

Bendis. (:x:11)

You guys know the drill. Every icon gets a sin because of the oversaturated amount of heroes. 36 sins added. (:x:47)

Oh so now Marvel decides to put heroes on their right sides? (:x:48)

Marvel didn’t feature all the appearing characters in the comic, because they realized how many of these characters are unneeded and are only here to make it look ‘cool’. Well it sure ain’t working on me. (:x:49)

Also, page-filler. (:x:50)

Panel 1: Why is Karnak making the call here? Medusa is the Queen! She shouldn’t even be asking him. (:x:51)

Panel 1: It’s nice how you can see the battle happening from New Atillan. It’s a nice little detail this series hasn’t shown until now. (:white_check_mark:1=:x:50)

Panel 2: “Cooler heads”? Does Medusa know the terms ‘war’ and ‘cool heads’ don’t go well together? (:x:51)

Panel 3-4: Ignored question. (:x:52)

Remember when Ulysses was kidnapped and Inhumans were mad about trying to open up to humans? Bendis doesn’t. (:x:53)

Panel 1: Yes, Tony is definitely going to stand down especially now that you so nicely shoot an energy beam and try to damage his suit. (:x:54)

Panel 2: Tony would be great at ComicSins. (:x:55)

Panel 3: “You forgot I can absorb energy and send it right back at you.” Why would Stark forget that, (:x:56) and can we stop with the Golden Age style of dialogue explaining to the reader what is happening in the panel? I get that it is hard to tell the actions because paper doesn’t have movements, but c’mon. It sounds ridiculous. What’s next, “I punched you!”? (:x:57)

Panel 4: Wait, what did Tony just do? He electrified her but she can absorb any form of energy. Explanation would be nice. (:x:58)

Panel 1: Dr. Strange would be excellent in ComicSins. (:x:59)

Panel 1: “You are on the wrong side of the street on this one”. That’s racist. (:x:60) Not to add Luke Cage shouldn’t be here because in his own series he said he doesn’t wanna fight his friends again, but who cares about continuity, am I right? (:x:61)

Panel 2: All Blue Marvel is saying is, “I need an excuse to say that I’m a smart black character from Marvel and even though this has nothing to do with the fight, I’m gonna pretend like it does because I wanna say this. Did I mention I’m a smart black man published by Marvel Comics?” Pathetic. All-New All-Different Marvel title tried harder. (:x:62)

Panel 3: “Ya burnt!” That’s racist. Again. (:x:63)

Panel 1: So I see Jean Grey is down right when the battle literally started….Jean…F@%KING….GREY! (:x:64)

Panel 2: And what’s that supposed to mean? Who comes up with this dialogue for goodness’ sake! It’s laughable. (:x:65)

Daredevil thanks to his hearing? I get it. Mary Jane Watson with all her screens? I get it. But why are we seeing news interrupting news with Peter and Clint? Peter is watching one screen and Hawkeye doesn’t have any! (:x:66)

Panel 2: Distracting abs. (:x:67)

Panel 3: Distracting booty. (:x:68)

Panel 4: “Could it be that we have seen the end of the age of heroes?” If I got a nickel every time they said that. (:x:69)

“Boy-Girl thing” Which kid is writing this awful comic? (:x:70)

Panel 1: This panel pretty much explains how Marvel has treated Sam Wilson. (:x:71)

Panel 2: Magik would be great at ComicSins. (:x:72)

Panel 4: Yeah, well I’m not. (:x:73)

Panel 1: That’s racist. (:x:74)

Panel 4: Miles, that’s racist, too. (:x:75)

Panel 4: Ok, Venom you can stop being racist before my joke gets old! (:x:76)

Panel 5-8: Venom-Blast-Ex-Machina. (:x:77)

Panel 1: Is there someone in this comic that wouldn’t be good at ComicSins? (:x:78)

Panel 3: “I didn’t know it could be hacked into.” Yeah, no one did, but you know, don’t question because the plot needs to move along. (:x:79)

Panel 3: Also, I wanna know when Stark was able to hack into the helmet during this cluster-f@k of a war because this would have been useful when Iron Man was part of Guardians of the Galaxy. (:x:80)

Panel 1: I legit want to know which kid is writing this F@%KING comic! I do not support CHILD LABOUR! (:x:81)

Panel 1: And where the F:angry::rage:K did Steve Rogers go!!!??? (:x:82)

Panel 2: So Guardians of the Galaxy are on Team Cap because Star-Lord is better friends with Carol and he doesn’t like what he’s seeing…..F@%K ME! Not even trying! AAAAH! I take it back. It’s written by a BABY and not a child! Too much crappy dialogue to suffer through. 10 sins! (:x:92)

Panel 3: When did she tell you this? (:x:93)

Panel 4: Better question: why did she tell you? No need for you to know because the conflict does not apply to Guardians and how did she know this was gonna come to a battle? (:x:94)

What the hell was that ship doing in the air to begin with? It was just floating in the air doing nothing! (:x:95) That’s what you get for coming here for no good reason! (:x:96)

Panel 3 shows exactly how I feel about Civil War II. (:x:97)

Panel 4: Inhumans are finally here and it took them forever to come. Sorry! Not come. It took them this long to teleport. (:x:98)

Panel 5 shows exactly what Bendis is thinking. Whenever Ulysses’ powers change, it happens to move the plot in the laziest way possible. (:x:99) Also, tentacle porn. (:x:100)

Panel 1: But Captain Marvel stopped Karnak from bringing that building down, (:x:101) not to mention it was established if that building collapsed it would kill innocent lives in the city. If so why were Inhumans not in court about this, why would Medusa allow this, why would….you know I am just gonna put this down here because I am not gonna waste anyone’s precious time like this comic did to me. 15 sins added. (:x:116)

Panel 2&4: So is Ulysses in the battlefield to do that? If not then that must mean his tentacle-things are stretchy…..so that means he can control them? Gosh, I feel stupid even talking about it. Is he controlling this given he looks to be doing that in panel 2? And why is he calm? And-You know what? I’m just gonna drop this here again! 10 sins added. None of this is being explained and won’t be. (:x:126)

Panel 2: How many times do we need to stress out that telling someone to surrender and then punch them in a face is not gonna work? Imagine if cops were to shoot you as they say “Hands in the air”. Actually, never mind. No need to imagine. (:x:127)

Panel 3: Why isn’t anyone asking questions, because I as hell am! (:x:128)

Can you imagine Bendis pitch this story? “Then bunch on tentacles come, grab everyone and show a vision!”  (:x:129)

10 sins added! (:x:139)

Also this panel does not include a lap dance. (:x:140)

“Captain America’s Shield is broken” cliché. (:x:141)

Panel 1: Wait, why is Ulysses crying? He can see what’s happening? So he’s there? But how did he get there? Aw! :sob:I’m done trying to understand this piece of shit. (:x:142)

Panel 2-5: Everyone is not gonna question where this vision came from! I see! (:x:143)

This is a cute scene with Kamala here, but if Team Stark really believes what they believe in, they shouldn’t worry for Miles doing this. Especially Tony! (:x:144)

Panel 1: Because you chose this side, because you believe that these visions aren’t always true. Am I right or don’t you even know why you’re exactly on team Tony? (:x:145)

Panel 4: WHAATT?!?! Are you serious Carol!??! You dumb, stupid….AGH! (:x:146)

What a stupid comic, definitely-

BONUS!!!

Every tie-in gets a sin!

32 sins added and that means-Wait, what?!

DOUBLE BONUS!!!

Wow first time in history! This time we do a hand count! Lift your hand up if at any moment of the comic you weren’t sure who was on what team or you just didn’t care? Wow! That’s a lot of hands! As a generous guy I will only give 20 sins.

Bendis made me question everything about this comic that I am now literally questioning life. What are comics anymore? Why am I here? Will tentacles one day grab me and I won’t care? Next week Civil War II #6 is coming out so it is far from over. Help!

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Olaf Lesniak View All

I am a comic book geek! I love comic books! #1 fan right here.

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